Things that keep me up at night:
Did they read enough today?
I forgot to give them math practice work.
What will they think of first when they think of me when I'm gone?
Did I hug them enough today?
Did I make sure to look each one in the eyes and have an age appropriate meaningful conversation?
I only have ten years left of all of them at home.
How many vegetables have they eaten this past week?
Their college funds aren't what I'd hoped they'd be at this point.
I need them to see me read the bible and pray. Why do I wait until they are asleep?
What does a tacky tourist look like anyway and why didn't we plan out the outfits tonight?
I forgot to brush ellie's teeth.
What will their teachers be like this year? Are they getting what they need in school?
Do they know that they are loved?
Why did I let tate eat two sweets today?
What will we find out on the 17th?
Why is teething so hard for ellie, should I go back into her room to comfort her again?
Does britton know that I SEE him and that I know how special he is?
On nights like this I find little comfort. All I know to do is pray and be thankful for the joy they bring and hope I can give them back as much as they have already given me.
Oh how I know and understand what you are going through every night. But I take comfort on knowing that just thinking about all those things shows that I do love and care about them so so much. As mothers, we can only do so much. I am trying to let some of those worries go.....as they are out of my control. If only there were 5 more hours in the day!
ReplyDeletemothering is incredibly hard...and i had no idea the guilt and doubt would be so huge. love reading your post. so open and honest. i share many of these thoughts for sure
ReplyDelete